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Post by ShrimpBrime on Aug 18, 2021 22:12:22 GMT -5
Ok, Eddie.. You Scotty, Bones and I are on the way to Las Vegas and the car breaks down in the middle of the desert. We decide to walk it.
So we foot along for a few hours and come across an Indian holding his Junk straight up. Just holding it there. Out of stupid curiosity, Rodney asks the man "WTF are you doing?". The Indian replies, "I'm telling the time!" Before Eddie could bust out laughing Scotty asks "well what time is it?" Indian replies, "oh its about 1:30pm.
So we set off walking to find a place to rest and get the car towed in. Seems like forever just walking then come across another Indian. He was doing the same exact thing. By then Eddie and Jonny where on the ground in tears laughing so Scotty just straight asks what time it was. The Indian replied "2:45pm sir". In laughter we continue our walk.
Not too much long later, you guessed it. A third Indian. However from a distance he was holding still. Get up close and he's yanking on it. Pretty hard too. By now Rodney is disgusted but curious has to ask the indian... "sir.. what are you doing there? The other guys where telling time!" ..... "well" as he takes a quick break and replies, "I'm just winding my watch!
The end.
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Post by Vinster on Aug 18, 2021 22:16:12 GMT -5
haha
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Post by Bones on Aug 18, 2021 22:17:31 GMT -5
I've heard that one before.... 
I've got a few myself but need to remember them first....
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Post by Bones on Aug 19, 2021 13:35:30 GMT -5
OK, here's one for ya.
Didn't want to get TOO lewd but here it is anyway, you'll get it.
A lady from a newspaper was assigned to go out to a reservation and do an article on "Indian Culture". So she got her stuff together, headed out and got there later that day. She has questions she wanted to ask them but after speaking with a few she became curious about the meaning of feathers in their head band.
So she asked one of them about it and was told a few things concerning their symbolism and such, while still writing down this info she then asked about how the number of feathers a brave gets is determined.
And the response was "I F'em one squaw".
She was taken aback by the answer but said nothing in response herself while writing this answer down.
As professional habit, she then sought out and spotted a second brave with two feathers in his head dress and repeated the same question - And the answer given was "I F'em two squaw".
Not quite as shocked by this she wrote this down too and moved on....
Then spotted the Chief himself and his head dress full of feathers coming out of his tent.
She just coudn't resist even though she probrably knew the answer already but went up to him and asked anyway... And the response was:
"Me F'em all!"
"Big, small, short and tall!"
This answer was over the top and just too much so she gasped "Oh dear" when she heard this....
And then Chief said:
"No-No, me no F'em deer!"
"Asshole too high - Run too fast"......
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Post by freeagent on Aug 21, 2021 10:50:16 GMT -5
How do you castrate a hutterite?
Kick his sister in the jaw!
Booo
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Post by ShrimpBrime on Aug 29, 2021 0:00:30 GMT -5
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don't get support soon, people will think we're nuts!
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Post by ShrimpBrime on Nov 20, 2021 22:46:54 GMT -5
Little kid has diarrhea.
Asks his mother for some Viagra.
"What on Earth do you need that for?"
"Isn't that what you give Dad when his shit doesn't get hard??"
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Post by ShrimpBrime on Nov 22, 2021 13:52:11 GMT -5
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
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Post by zila1 on Nov 23, 2021 1:18:29 GMT -5
How do you know that you have a high sperm count? She has to chew before she swallows.  |
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Post by zila1 on Nov 24, 2021 0:44:55 GMT -5
A woman wakes up in hospital after having a vaginal tuck. There are three bunches of flowers beside her bed.
One from her surgeon saying "all went well".
The second from her husband saying " I love you, get well soon".
The third was from Tommy in the burns ward saying "Thanks for the new ears".
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Post by ShrimpBrime on Nov 24, 2021 18:52:10 GMT -5
A woman wakes up in hospital after having a vaginal tuck. There are three bunches of flowers beside her bed. One from her surgeon saying "all went well". The second from her husband saying " I love you, get well soon". The third was from Tommy in the burns ward saying "Thanks for the new ears". Saw this before bed last night and laughed my ass off. Good one! haha |
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Post by zila1 on Nov 25, 2021 12:21:58 GMT -5
Why is a vagina just like the weather? When it's wet, it's time to go inside.  |
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Post by austin86 on Mar 25, 2022 13:07:55 GMT -5
A man's wife is prego.
They like to get kinky.
One night things get saucy.
He was sticking noodles in her and notice red chunks coming out of her.
He looks up at her and she's got a glassy jarred look on her face and is not talking.
He rushes her to the car and speeds to the hospital.
She bleeding all over the place in the car.
By the time they got to the hospital she no longer bleeding, her color has drained and looks almost transparent.
He takes her into the ER and takes her to the first doc he sees.
He tells the doc what happened.
He takes one look at me and say's sir there is nothing we can do.
He says why the heck not!
Because we don't treat empty spaghetti sauce jars.
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Post by Vinster on Mar 25, 2022 21:06:47 GMT -5
hahaha
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Post by austin86 on Mar 25, 2022 21:51:44 GMT -5
This one isn’t quite as dirty.
I’m a huge metal fan.
in high school Math class.
A 9/10 girl sits next to me.
She tums me on so much.
She doesn't notice me though.
I try really hard to impress her.
She's so hot.
The teacher passing back last weeks test.
The 9/10 girl looks over at me.
She starts smiling and playing with her hair.
I’m spinning.
I can't handle it.
The teacher trips over me.
I break down.
I stop spinning.
The 9/10 girl frowns.
I look back at the front of the room.
I’m trying to hard to keep cool.
I have no power.
The teacher plugs me back in.
I start spinning again.
Because I’m am a huge metal fan.
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Post by Vinster on Mar 26, 2022 19:31:26 GMT -5
hahahahaha.. you freaking got me
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Post by zila1 on Mar 26, 2022 19:36:45 GMT -5
What does a vampire do with boiling water and a tampon? Make tea.
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Post by austin86 on Mar 28, 2022 12:12:40 GMT -5
Two my wife told me believe it or not.
What does a toolbox and a deadbeat dad have in common.
Screws, nuts, and bolts.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with a deer?
a dill doe
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Post by zila1 on Jul 3, 2022 13:47:18 GMT -5
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Post by Vinster on Jul 3, 2022 21:50:00 GMT -5
wow... this is a thing I never knew about...
Vin
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Post by zila1 on Jul 4, 2022 10:58:58 GMT -5
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Post by zila1 on Jul 6, 2022 15:46:45 GMT -5
I just found out that cock fighting is done with chickens. Well, that's 12 months of training fucking wasted.
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Post by austin86 on Jul 18, 2022 12:07:44 GMT -5
What do you get when you mix human DNA and goat DNA? You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
A man and his family are staying at a hotel. The man asks the employee at the front desk if the adult channels are disabled.
No, it’s just regular p*rn, you sick freak.
An old married couple was in church one Sunday. The woman turns to her husband and says:
I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?
The husband replies:
Replace the battery in your hearing aid.
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Post by unclockable on Aug 5, 2022 10:20:10 GMT -5
new to the forum but I have one.
First guys says, "Well I'm an astronaut so I drive a Saturn." Then the second guy says, "Well I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort". And the the third guys says, "I got you both beat, I'm a proctologist so I drive a BROWN PROBE."
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Post by Bones on Aug 6, 2022 8:07:22 GMT -5
new to the forum but I have one. First guys says, "Well I'm an astronaut so I drive a Saturn." Then the second guy says, "Well I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort". And the the third guys says, "I got you both beat, I'm a proctologist so I drive a BROWN PROBE." Looks like you fit in already - Welcome! And for the sake of the thread, some of this shiite is like when your girl mentions wanting to try a "Three Way"....... And being the techno-guy you are you run out of the room all excited, then come back with some Nvidia cards and a Tri-SLI bridge in hand. |
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Post by austin86 on Aug 8, 2022 8:16:33 GMT -5
And for the sake of the thread, some of this shiite is like when your girl mentions wanting to try a "Three Way"....... And being the techno-guy you are you run out of the room all excited, then come back with some Nvidia cards and a Tri-SLI bridge in hand. 3 GTX 480's? because they're hot and loud? |
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Post by Vinster on Aug 8, 2022 19:29:35 GMT -5
new to the forum but I have one. First guys says, "Well I'm an astronaut so I drive a Saturn." Then the second guy says, "Well I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort". And the the third guys says, "I got you both beat, I'm a proctologist so I drive a BROWN PROBE." that's a good one.
welcome to W9
Vin
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Post by austin86 on Aug 15, 2022 10:28:20 GMT -5
Dad there is something my boyfriend told me, that I didn't understand. He said that "I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."
"Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe."
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Post by ShrimpBrime on Aug 15, 2022 17:57:09 GMT -5
Dad there is something my boyfriend told me, that I didn't understand. He said that "I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper." "Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe." Oh man that's an old one! Haven't heard that one in a lot of years! |
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Post by austin86 on Nov 17, 2022 11:35:00 GMT -5
why did God invent yeast infections..... So women know what it's like living with an irritating cunt
What's God dad? Dad explains, God is in Heaven son, That's where we go up to when we die.
Little Timmy sais, Oh, daddy, mommy nearly died yesterday.
Dad sais, what do you mean son?
Well she was on the bed screaming out "Oh God I'm cumming" but it was lucky because the mailman was holding her down.
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