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Post by zila1 on Sept 10, 2020 18:13:27 GMT -5
We need a lot more of this today. This is what is missing in this world and why these punks are doing what they are doing. I got a beating every once in a while when I was a kid and I needed them to keep me on the straight and narrow. I'm grateful for my Dads strict rules. I did brake them on occasion and I learned my lessons.
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Post by ShrimpBrime on Sept 10, 2020 18:35:30 GMT -5
I have never raised a hand to any of my 3 kids Eddie. Would you believe it, they have good manners and straight A's?
I broke this chain from my family with positive reinforcements and less punishments. They are taught the right from wrong. When they step out of line, they know it. My punishment for them is simply work. Chores.
Don't even take away the video games and phones or car keys (oldest).
For some strange reason, treating them as people and setting good morals when young goes a very long way.
Me? Got my ass kicked in plenty. lol. And I wound up in a life of crime, hurting people in all kinds of ways. Didn't dive into bad drugs like some people I know. Beatings did not help me. No, they made me hard. Made me not have fear. So many fights. Nobody hit as hard as my old man, I won 98% of fights good bad and ugly.
Now....
The cure for these people is a 3 letter word. J O B Once they go to work and make some money, they can conform to a normal society.
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Post by Vinster on Sept 10, 2020 18:51:35 GMT -5
I have never raised a hand to any of my 3 kids Eddie. Would you believe it, they have good manners and straight A's? Almost the same for me... I can count on 1 hand how many times I have spanked both my kids, and after the few times I've done it, I've become a veteran of the 3 count... I've never made it to 3.. ever
I won't argue though, smart mouths of adult age need to learn they are not immortal or immune to getting their ass beat... no matter how tough the bastard, out there there is always someone faster or stronger than you and karma will get you...
Vin
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Post by ShrimpBrime on Sept 10, 2020 19:39:58 GMT -5
I have never raised a hand to any of my 3 kids Eddie. Would you believe it, they have good manners and straight A's? Almost the same for me... I can count on 1 hand how many times I have spanked both my kids, and after the few times I've done it, I've become a veteran of the 3 count... I've never made it to 3.. ever
I won't argue though, smart mouths of adult age need to learn they are not immortal or immune to getting their ass beat... no matter how tough the bastard, out there there is always someone faster or stronger than you and karma will get you...
Vin
Kids fear everything they don't like. I use chores for threats. Pick the one they hate the most and make them do it. Even if it doesn't need to be done. It's just as effective. Yeah, they throw fits. kick and scream. I raise my voice, that stops. I yell at my kids seldom. It only makes most situations worse. So I don't have to feel bad about anything, I honestly try my best to show the rewards of following orders. What happens here is kinda different in learning. In trouble do the chores/work I provide..... Then I pay them. One way or another. Job well done, the bad stuff gets squashed. Ice cream, 5 or 10 bucks.... simple things like that. Then a quick question, did you learn the lesson, always the answer is Yes, dad." Jordan had an issue in 1st grade hitting other students, school has a 0 tolerance. My son's reward is to take his aggression out with me only. We fight, he gets all serious, he hits me, then hurts himself... and I get a good laugh. Then I tell him that there's always going to be someone bigger and tougher. know when to pick your battles. Grade 3 now, keeps his hands to himself and I help him take out aggressions just by wrestling with him. Worked out really good. And I've never spanked him yet..... yet.
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Post by WhiteWulfe on Sept 10, 2020 22:56:38 GMT -5
Positive reinforcement works way better than any "slap them silly to get respect!" kind of methods.
No, the second, and old way of doing it really just teaches them to learn how to hide things better, and not give a damn. Ruling through fear builds resentment, and bitterness.
And yeah, as for yelling... You want to lose even more of their respect? That's a great way for them to lose respect, and just tune you out.
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Post by Vinster on Sept 10, 2020 23:58:21 GMT -5
And yeah, as for yelling... You want to lose even more of their respect? That's a great way for them to lose respect, and just tune you out. Rare instances only.. then they know you aren't f'ing around.. do it more than once/twice a year then they get immune to it...
Vin
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Post by Bones on Sept 11, 2020 3:34:14 GMT -5
I can say I got it but good along the way.
There was no telling you over and over again - It was you were first told, then showed. If you did something you already knew you shoudn't have done it was straight to the showed part - Done. The big thing is for the kids to respect their parents and learn to respect others too, also to learn about consequenses from when you screw up. I'll agree - Simply beating the crap out of a kid isn't "The Way" one should raise them but at the same time the respect has to be instilled at an early age or there will be none later, that much IS true.
I can say I've never seen a kid born complete with an instructional booklet/guide and 3 part video on how to raise your child from day one onward.
My point is simple: It's just better to deal with it by whatever means that works early on than waiting until later when it's reached the point of "Too late".
If it's required I'd rather deal with a simple beating today than what's worse tomorrow.
Get it behind me and over with now than have it become the opposite which normally equals a REAL beating/beatdown later from someone that truly doesn't care.
You never get over it because you can't change the past once you're in it and your life is perma-screwed from that point on....
If you even survive it.
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Post by ShrimpBrime on Sept 11, 2020 11:07:19 GMT -5
My old man hit my mother in front of me and hit me. Too much violence.
Divorced by the time I was 9. Kicked out of mom house for being violent.
It's just not a good remedies. I dont care who you are or what you believe, beating women and children is bull shit and doesnt do any good ever.
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Post by Bones on Sept 11, 2020 11:33:58 GMT -5
Simply beating the crap out of someone isn't right, that I have to agree on and it is violence, plain and simple.
Believe me I know the difference because I too was beat at times when it wasn't warranted for what had been done, other times I deserved it and it straightened me out from becoming something different than I am now. Unlike many I will never raise a hand at the wife - Ever. I told her once if I ever did it won't be "Me" so do what you have to do.
Main thing however you approach it is to make sure the kid learns right from wrong and sadly it's not the same that works for all.
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Post by zila1 on Sept 11, 2020 13:30:55 GMT -5
My old man hit my mother in front of me and hit me. Too much violence. Divorced by the time I was 9. Kicked out of mom house for being violent. It's just not a good remedies. I dont care who you are or what you believe, beating women and children is bull shit and doesnt do any good ever. I am so sorry to hear that Jon. In our household the boys all new my Dad was in charge. The biggest love of his life was my Mom. He would never lay a hand on her ever. But he did say this "If ever I touch that woman in any way other than a loving manner my sons will kill me, she is the Queen of this house and is protected by the men here even from me." My little sister was next in line. She was smothered by her brothers and my Dad. We love our women. God help anyone that tries to lay a hand to our women. Now back to me. I was a very intelligent young man. And I think that was part of my problem. I was easily bored by most things. The teachers had a difficult time keeping my mind busy so I wandered off. I quit school and went to work. Against my fathers wishes. But I just couldn't take it in the classroom anymore. I told my Dad if I didn't get out of school that I was gonna slice my wrists. He backed off and said "Son, I don't agree with this. But I also can't say that I understand what you're going thru. I will support you in this because I love you and want you to be happy. At least you do want to work. I like that." But I did get into situations. My Dad was the only person in the world that could steer me in the right direction again. He would send my brothers out like a recon patrol to reel me back in when I would go off. They would find me in the kinds of places you would see in mob movies doing that sort of thing. I was nearly incorrigible at one point and my family had to get involved to pull me out of the pit I put myself in. But I was one of the ones that NEEDED a good beating every once in a while. I thought I was a combination of Edward G. Robinson and James Cagney all at the same time. Smart and dumb all at the same time...…….making a lot of money, more than my Dad could ever dream of. But I was in the wrong. To this day if my 97 year old Dad even looks at me a certain way I feel a sudden urge to urinate. ROFLMAO I was a handful to say the least.
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Post by ShrimpBrime on Sept 11, 2020 14:15:38 GMT -5
My old man learned after I got out of lock up when I stepped up to his face. I challenged him, he backed off. Realized I'm not a kid and hes gonna get hurt fuckin with me. I get the look from him, it just gets me mad. Go ahead fucker, I dare you.
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Post by zila1 on Sept 11, 2020 17:08:36 GMT -5
I couldn't do that with my Dad. Small dude 5'6" but was built like a brick wall. Plus I had respect for him and also a healthy fear of him. I remember when we first moved into one of our homes a neighbor didn't want my Dad parking his car in a particular spot. My Dad told him, "But it's public street parking, anyone can park anywhere." The dude told him not to park there again or the next time he would kick my Dad's ass. The guy was a big dude. The following week my Dad gets home from work and parked the car in that spot again and sure enough the guy came running out to get it on with my Dad. My Dad knew what was gonna happen and told us all to stay in the house and not get involved. The dude starts in on my Dad and my Dad wasn't saying anything. He moved in close to my Dad and my Dad told him nicely to please not get so close or else. Well the guy moved in and shoved my Dad hard. My Dad broke his ribs and knocked him out. We were all in shock. We were looking thru our big picture window and could not believe how easily my Dad took this guy down. The guy was knocked out curb side and my Dad says "Told you......you fuck." LOL
I was so proud. That's where I get this.
Cops arrived. By then the guy was stirring around. Neighbors came out and backed my Dad. He moved away. Had to. No one messed with my Dad or his kids. Ever.
As we were walking my Dad into the house arm in arm my Dad looks at me and says, Eddie get me some ice. I think I popped a knuckle. ROFLMAO. Good times.
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Post by george on Sept 11, 2020 17:44:33 GMT -5
I feel with you, with many of the current hardship we endure there and here. Had a deep chat with son today
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Post by ShrimpBrime on Sept 11, 2020 19:04:07 GMT -5
I couldn't do that with my Dad. Small dude 5'6" but was built like a brick wall. Plus I had respect for him and also a healthy fear of him. I remember when we first moved into one of our homes a neighbor didn't want my Dad parking his car in a particular spot. My Dad told him, "But it's public street parking, anyone can park anywhere." The dude told him not to park there again or the next time he would kick my Dad's ass. The guy was a big dude. The following week my Dad gets home from work and parked the car in that spot again and sure enough the guy came running out to get it on with my Dad. My Dad knew what was gonna happen and told us all to stay in the house and not get involved. The dude starts in on my Dad and my Dad wasn't saying anything. He moved in close to my Dad and my Dad told him nicely to please not get so close or else. Well the guy moved in and shoved my Dad hard. My Dad broke his ribs and knocked him out. We were all in shock. We were looking thru our big picture window and could not believe how easily my Dad took this guy down. The guy was knocked out curb side and my Dad says "Told you......you fuck." LOL I was so proud. That's where I get this. Cops arrived. By then the guy was stirring around. Neighbors came out and backed my Dad. He moved away. Had to. No one messed with my Dad or his kids. Ever. As we were walking my Dad into the house arm in arm my Dad looks at me and says, Eddie get me some ice. I think I popped a knuckle. ROFLMAO. Good times. Your dad reminds me of my grandfather, fathers father. Robert. 1st Calvary Used to scrap out back for cash after work. The bigger guys go down hard. Rule of thumb, no rules in fighting. I watched my old man grab a dude's nuts and squeeze. That's all it took. No black eyes, no broken ribs. And in his other hand, never spilt a drop of beer. I was probably about 10 years old at a family friend's party. george Sometimes a good talk goes a long way. Gotta let the man make dumb decisions sometimes and just laugh at him. When my oldest wiped out the mini bike, I laughed so hard. Didn't listen. Told him drive it with respect..... well that didn't happen, He was more banged up than the bike. lol. Dumb ass. Even though it cost time for repairs, he learned a good one that day. Maybe take dad's advice next time and won't get laughed at haha. (I'm still laughing inside )
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Post by Mr.Scott on Sept 12, 2020 8:17:45 GMT -5
No comment other than, times are different now than when we were kids. Some of the stuff we endured was considered normal back then. That shit don't fly no more. Bottom line, it is up to the parents for proper upbringing and teaching the kids right, wrong, and respect. Most of the population is 'fail' at that right now. Every situation is different. Do what works for you.
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